Since I arrived in Italy I had a feeling which I wasn’t able to identify.
Everything was so easy for me, I found amazing friends, the guy who understands me and I have back lifestyle which matches with my personality. Maybe it’s because I’m in Europe and so many things are similar as back home. Or maybe it’s because life in the USA was a really big challenge to me and nothing was easy there, but it’s not mean I didn’t like it. Actually, I liked that much because of the challenge.
Because.. “Life starts at the end of your comfort zone!”
But still, I had the feeling which I had last time when I was 16. It took a while, but now I understand what all of it means.
First I thought it is just nostalgia, everything here is reminding me a home. Start with flowers and trees (I don’t see cactuses anymore, so everything seems normal again), but also time which I spend with friends in a cafe or with a beer in my hand, also the family time which I have here with my host family reminding me my childhood.
But after a while I found out that I find a faith again, the same one which I had in my 16 years old.
I believed in true love, true friendship and in big dreams in my head. But also at that age, everything changed. I lost my first big love also I found out that the best friendship was just in good times, in bad times she just disappears. I’m thankful that the big dreams never left my head and they are slowly becoming true.
Since I lost all these relationships which were really important for me, I didn’t start believing that I can have it again since now. Which is so sad, but I wasn’t able to believe someone that much again, I was so afraid to love someone. And when I did I still wasn’t sure if that can be for forever. I still had in my head that something bad will happen, and it always happened. Maybe because it wasn’t mean for me to be with that person, maybe because bad timing, or maybe because of I was so afraid to believe to that person and I still had in my head that it will be ended soon so it just happened, always…
But here and now, I had the same feeling like I was 16, in the moment when I start losing everything again, I just found out… Ooo this is why I had that a feeling. Because I had everything what I always wanted and know I’m losing that again.
But this time it’s different everyone is leaving me for good reasons.
Sure I’m sad because of I’m here alone again, but I still have faith because if I can find it once, I can find it again!
Remember that everything is happening for some reason.
Maybe is everyone leaving, because I should spend more time with myself and become that more independent and a better person.
Also here is the reason why I all of these people I met. Every one of these people changes my life somehow. Someone good way, someone not really!
But I thank you all of them for that.
All of these good and bad things make me who I’m now, and I like that person more and more!
I love the feeling that everything I’m dreaming of can become true, so I hope I never will lose it again!
I wish to everyone, never lose the faith!